The writer has asked to keep their name anonymous.
A little bit about the writer:
I'm a second-year law student specializing in international law and policy, and in my free time, I enjoy writing poetry. I draw inspiration from my own experiences and moments of solitude. I find solace in the expressive power of words. I was born and raised in California and when I'm not in the classroom or writing legal briefs I am at the beach with a good book.
A little bit about the work:
I wrote this poem in the midst of processing some big emotions. I wrote it as a narrative because the experience felt more tangible that way. I hope that those reading it find something that resonates with them.
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She was the oldest daughter
He was the youngest son
She compartmentalized all her emotions
He was “exciting and fun”
She cried herself to sleep
And then got up early to go to class
He was ever so observant
And cracked smiles sharp as glass
She always knew how everyone felt
When it mattered, except herself
He did not know many things
But “I learned a lot from you,” he’d whispered to himself
She knew anxiety like the back of her hand
And overthinking like a well traveled path
He noticed when she’d go silent
Because her feelings had swallowed her whole, in wrath
She did a good job trying
She was the very best
He noticed when her heart faltered
That she was still healing and depressed
He made her happy
And she hadn’t been happy
This whole year she’s been sad
Maybe he noticed
And wanted to replace the feelings that had
Been swallowing her whole
Maybe he made an effort to get to know her when they talked
Because that’s who he was, the youngest son to a fault
Whatever his intentions were
He saw me. Even though I avoided being seen,
And when he did, it was like a shot of dopamine.
Yet, truth be told, he never actually knew me
He knew a version of me...that existed then and has since evolved
So, here I am now, laid out
Like a puzzle still unsolved
I am the oldest daughter
I can be exciting and fun
When I smile, it’s true and
If you tell jokes, I laugh at every single one
I know who I am, I know who I want to be
I know that he and I are still a possibility
And even though
He felt like home
And made me happy
It reminded me of her. She reminded me of home, too
I hadn’t met someone who felt like home since her smile like honeydew
She was so sweet
She is my friend
She was my friend.
And when she passed...I don’t think the tears ever end.
I think about her less
but my heart still remembers grief.
I didn’t let him see me cry
Or feel the weight on my chest
If he truly knew me, he’d know I have little regrets
That I’ve learned to forgive, not to forget
I wonder...if I told him who I am
And how easily my tears still fall
I wonder if he would hold me
Or build distance like a stone-cold wall
He’s lived his life as the youngest son
She lived her life too
He made me no promises,
Except one. When he said
“I love you.”
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